fey_sidhe

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May. 31st, 2005

10:02 pm - >_

It is weird how history seem to repeat itself in its own way. Everyone that I know and care about seems to be leaving campus next semester. Its like freshman year all over again where I need try to get myself pulled together and attemp new friends to talk to and have lunch with. TO keep me sane through the day...i guess at least I have my own little room, and a few other ppl at lunch time. It seems ppl and thing always seem to be changes and it wear me out at times, and also at times it hurts. I sometimes wonder how i get through everything...I wonder what is in store for me this semester.

Current Mood: depressed

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Apr. 11th, 2005

05:28 pm

Sometimes you wake up one morning and you feel empty...like someone has taken away your happiness. All you feel is cold, emptiness and for some reason your scared. You dont know why but you do and all you feel like is to just cry. Especially when you bid your farewells to a friend, and you can't help but feel you did something wrong. Or you try to make things right. You feel scared doing things on your own, being alone without any support to be there. It like the whole world is just at a spin and your so dizzy you cant breath. Most of things in life are not what you thought it would be. You try to put into perspective but nothing becomes clear, and thing are so stressful you almost feel sick. All you want to do it just crawl into this fantasy world and justs drown yourself into the alternate reality and never come out of it. Where there is peace..tranquillity...a place where nobody will bother you and troubles of life will not show itself. How I wish for it.

Current Mood: drained

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Mar. 21st, 2005

09:01 pm

Have you ever felt when you someone you love is so far away...you feel that you're not whole? Like something is missing. As if when the next time you see them you won't be able to contain yourself and jump on them and hug and kiss them as long as you could; not really caring if you suffocate each other to death because even if that was the case you would die with such bliss it would be pretty much worth it. That's pretty much how I have been feeling the past few days....its a bit odd because I never thought I would feel like that again. It kind of scares me..wondering where this would lead. If I will get my heart broken again. Sure your significant other says they will never let go but...dont they all say that in the beginning? I dunno if I am just being bitter because of the relationship before or I am just scared shitless of getting my heart broken into so many pieces. Either way though I am grateful to have the person in my life. He is one amazing person from what he has put up with. Especially my roller coaster of emotions. If your reading this I love you very much, I hope your having fun in florida.

A new day,A new day,
I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don’t shed a tear
Through the darkness and good times
I knew I’d make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush, now

I see a light in the sky
Oh, it’s almost blinding me
I can’t believe
I’ve been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun

A new day has... come

Where it was dark now there’s light
Where there was pain now there’s joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

Hush, now

I see a light in the sky
Oh, it’s almost blinding me
I can’t believe
I’ve been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun

A new day has...

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun

A new day has... come

Hush, now

I see a light in your eyes
All in the eyes of the boy

I can’t believe
I’ve been touched by an angel with love

I can’t believe
I’ve been touched by an angel with love

Current Mood: anxious

Current Music: Celion Dion- A New Day

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Mar. 6th, 2005

11:58 pm

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

I never felt so hurt and empty in my life. Why god do you have to take all the people i care about and love away from me. why!!! its not fair...its not fair.

Current Mood: crushed

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Mar. 4th, 2005

01:08 am

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me.
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there
You'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth trying for
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for you
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you

Look into my heart you will find
There's nothing there to hide
Take me as I am take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it there's nothing I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do -
I do it for you

There's no love like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way...

Don't tell me it's not worth trying for
I can't help it there's nothing I want more

I would fight for you
I'd lie for you
Walk the fire for you
Yeah I'd die for you

You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you

It's very hard to let go of someone you have loved for so long and who knows you so well unlike anyone else. But life can throw you a "miracle" and you meet the most amazing people who get you through things. I will never forget that, and I owe them my graditude and so much more...thank you gary, you truly are a wonderful person.

Current Mood: blah

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Feb. 12th, 2005

03:29 pm

When you talk to someone you havent spoke to in a long time its interesting how you realize how much you missed that person. Also you cant help but feel guilty you were not there for them when they have hard times in their life. Even if you never meant to not speak with for a long time you still feel bad. ;sighs; Well on the bright side while my guilt completely takes me and my friend tell me to not worry I am studying for an exam I am just dreading , of course between my good friend telling me I'll be fine and someone I spoke with last night or this morning (however u want to look at talking to someone til 4:30 in the morn) giving their "good vibes" (i thank you plenty)I think I am all set. Wish me luck. ^_^

Current Mood: grateful

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Feb. 11th, 2005

10:16 pm

Sometimes you there are alot things you want to do and you just cant. Also there are feelings that you feel , but you cant control them. Its like the person looks at you and while u talk and just look straight into their eyes and u just want to melt. You also try to read them and it seems the person has so much offer but kinda hides it in a way. Even if i dont know the person very well you cant but help to wonder what this person is all about. Just this mysterious way about them, which makes them appealing. But enough about that then there are times where you know a friend has things on their mind or they dont feel too well and you feel bad because you cant help them. Of course this is comming from someone who wants to cure the whole world of misery and never has time for herself. You just want all the pain to go away, but in reality that will never happen.
There are times where I am so out of this world I cant seem to know what is up or down. Sometimes I wish I was in the woods in the spring time just walking around reading a book on the grass by the river back home and spending hrs on end just loosing myself, just listening to my music. Sometimes I feel I have this "inner fire" where I can sense things , its odd I am not psychic or anything but ever since I was a little girl I would have dreams...dreams that would actually come true within days or weeks...sometimes even years. A little weird I know but what can you do. I can safely say I am not like most people, and when ppl tell me "i dont understand you sometimes" well they are right and I am not like most people. You dont find many 19yrs olds going into books stores just reading about stuff to learn about, going into the woods feeling spiritually connected,or going into art museums just loosing urself in a painting an artist created. Especially the ones that look so real. There was one artist that was very good, cant remember the name at the moment, but he painted a pictures of castles somewhere in ireland or something. Amazing artwork. I just cant help but taking a horse and riding on the mountains...kind of like a lord of the rings type of thing except you are not trying to save the world. I suppose I am the type of person that appreciates a great view on top of a mountain and just looking out and feeling that I am just going to fly away. I guess I feel like was a celt in my past life. I dunno maybe one day I'll go to ireland and i'll feel like I am home.

Current Mood: relaxed

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Feb. 3rd, 2005

11:11 am

Life can be so hard sometimes, and all you can do is sit back and take it. When there is so much to juggle you can't help but maybe knock something out just because you cant handle everything that is going on in your life. Its like a dull knife just pounding on my back that just keeps going harder and harder as more troubles and resposiblites are piled on. Sometimes I wonder how I do it, I could say I am strong but I am really not, if I was I would be able to have everything..right? Its intresting that I havent totally lost it. Arg I wish someone can give me a solution to stuff.

Current Mood: crappy

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Jan. 30th, 2005

12:00 pm

Its interesting what the brain can change on the things you did throughout the day or night through just dreaming. Gives the person insight on how they feel about situations, and sometimes makes them a bit uneasy depending on whatever happened in the dream or if that what they want to happen. It's also interesting on sometimes in certain situations you feel like you cant move because your just overwhelmed by either feelings or the situation, of course that can count as one thing in a way but I figure them as two. Also, its interesting how at least for me when I dream, I listen to music that makes me feel the same way on whatever I dreamed up whether its good or bad. I dont know if I do that because I want to try to figure out what the dream meant or something else I just cant put my finger on. Either way its just very confusing.

Current Mood: calm

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Jan. 28th, 2005

07:32 pm

Sometimes you feel that you are not sure what to do, but unless you take that big jump....well you wont know anything if you dont take that big jump. You dont know what could have been or whether it would turn out good or bad. Its just those mysteries that leave you wonder and...you try to seek answers to yourself deep inside you. You swim deeper however you get to a point where it feel all too much, but then it starts getting easier. It is probably at that time when its best to just "jump" or just swim deeper, to continue the journey...without the leash and pressure from other factors that may lead to "drowning." Sometimes for some odd reason people say well "there are other people to help you back up" or "you know dont worry things will turn out fine." What people dont know is that it is the person who is drowning who needs to pick themselves up. Granted it is wonderful to recieve help and all, but that cant be the lifesaver. I mean its the only thing that might make things worth while for the next adventure you take. You never know down the road there might be bigger and better things for you, but you wont be able to do it if you're on some type of support system. It's better if you are just independent so you'll be strong for the next event that come along your way.

Current Mood: content

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Jan. 27th, 2005

10:32 pm

It's interesting sometimes people dont want to speak up and things tend to get awkward. Which has happened to me a few time this past week. Never succeeding to avoid it I suppose it has its way of finding itself to pop up with things that are happening that are beyond control. Can sometimes be nerve wracking and exciting at the same time depending at the situation. Either way its just better if it never happened all together but things just happen. Sometimes you want to do or say something but you cant, because your just too damn chicken to do it, but hey people feel like that a few times in their lives and if you havent well God bless ya.

Current Mood: sleepy

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Jan. 26th, 2005

10:18 pm

Life can sometimes throw some nasty stuff at ya but in the end all one can do is sit back and take it. Then sometimes life can give a "miracle." Things that you never thought would happen when you in your deepest darkest point in your life and you can't help to smile if it was fate that that dark time had to come because this light saved you when you thought you would never be happy again. It is interesting how things can happen when you least except them to. Although you cant help but to keep you guard up just in case life throws you another curve and it turns out that "miracle" turns out its just a false alarm. Just one of those nasty things that just happen that you hope would never happen to you. However you just cant help but think back on what is happening and just smile and be relaxed. Interesting how things work out even if its not exactly how you want your life to be but you feel content and at ease again, and not stuck in your dark room curled up in a ball wondering why life can be so cruel and why it had to be you.

Current Mood: calm

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